:::: MENU ::::
  • I Heart My Marriage

    I Heart My Marriage

Blog

  • May 12 / 2016
  • 0
Uncategorized

Improve your marriage through recreation

 


Recently I read a story about a couple whose marriage was near divorce from years of neglect and growing apart. Not knowing what to do, the wife took the advice of a friend who suggested that they find ways to spend more time together doing things they both enjoyed. Knowing that her husband wasn’t interested in anything she found fun, she decided to join him in one of his activities. As it was hunting season and he was an avid hunter, she decided to ask him if she could go hunting with him. Stunned when she asked, his only response was “you’ll have to get hunting clothes and you can’t make any noise, you’ll scare the animals away.” 

The next weekend, dressed in her new hunting clothes, they headed out to his favorite spot in search of deer. Though they didn’t get anything that day, she found hunting to be very exciting due to the suspense, and not knowing what would happen. That same week they went hunting two more times together, one time, even bringing home a large buck. She was hooked. Hunting became their thing to do together, drawing them closer and ultimately saving their marriage. 

Now I’m not saying that going hunting will save your marriage. In this case, what drew this couple back together was the bonding created by the time they spent together, (sounds like dating, doesn’t it?) and the many conversations that resulted from their common shared interest. And this happened because she got out of her comfort zone in an attempt to connect with her husband. 

Why does this help

Engaging in recreational activities together can help a relationship because it can satisfy both sexes need to connect in the unique way in which they each bond. As men, we tend to bond with other men through activities that we enjoy. Though there often isn’t much conversation during these activities, we do love to engage in conversations about our hobbies and passions. Women on the other hand, bond with each other, not so much through the activities they do together, but through the in depth conversations that they engage in while doing them. 

So it stands to reason, that when a married couple find an activity that they both really enjoy doing together, that over time, it will start to bond them both together. The man, through the activity and through the sharing of a common passion, and his wife, through the conversations that it will invoke during, and in the planning of said activity. It’s a win, win, for everyone. 

I almost forgot, this time needs to be about the two of your as a couple, so not children. Got it!

(Disclaimer) Men, this doesn’t mean that your wife should go hunting or fishing with you. It might mean that either you join her in one of her favorite activities, or the two of you try a new activity together as a couple. As with the woman who saved her marriage by trying hunting, you never know what you might enjoy. Personally, my wife and I enjoy camping together, and go as often as we can during the year. 

(Another Disclaimer) If you have significant issues in your marriage, it’s likely that it’s going to take more than some shared activities with your spouse to restore your marriage. Don’t let that discourage you from trying to connect with your spouse though. Because these shared activities and the connection they will generate are an excellent first step in building a close relationship with your spouse. Just make sure to seek the help of a professional counselor, coach, or pastor to assist you in continuing the restoration of your marriage.

It is my hope that this post has enlightened you to the benefits of engaging in shared activities with your spouse, and the bonding that they can promote. And that you’ve already started thinking about what activities you and your spouse might enjoy doing together.

  • Apr 26 / 2016
  • 1
Uncategorized

Asking for what You Need

 

It no secret that attaining good communication is a challenge for most married couples. Whether the issue is one or both spouses failing to convey their wants or needs, or simply the way we address our spouse. How effectively we use our words to express ourselves is important to the success of our marriage.

Why is communication such an issue?

Communication is an issue in most marriages because we simply don’t put the effort into communication with our spouse that we should. While there are many reasons for this, the two that I see the most are, we fail to show our spouse the respect they deserve when speaking to them, and that we simply do not ask our spouses for what we want or need in the relationship, and then hold it against them when we don’t get what we want.

Ask for what you need

While being respectful and not imposing on our spouse is important, and can make a huge difference in their attitude towards us. Many of us tend to go the other direction altogether, and fail to simply open up and let our spouses know our basic wants and needs.

And I’m not pointing fingers here either, as a text book “nice guy” and “people pleaser,” often I have either failed to let my wife know what I needed, hinted at what I needed, or tried to manipulate her to give me want it was that I needed. Obviously, this rarely works, and I usually end up pouting around, or even getting mad at her about something totally unrelated in an attempt to cover up what was really bothering me (can anyone relate yet). Often she would ask me “What’s wrong,” but my answer was usually “nothing,” or “it’s not important.”

Many of you are not only familiar with this exchange, you’ve probably been on one end or the other of this exact conversation more times than you can remember. In my own marriage, the failure of either me or my wife to simply make our wants or needs known has led to more grief and arguments than I care to remember.

It doesn’t have to be this way

That’s right, it doesn’t. Simply asking our spouse for what we need can eliminate this seemingly unending pattern of events, and give you the answer that you seek. And while the answer won’t always be yes, you will most likely hear “yes.” more than you will hear “no”.

 

GO ahead….Ask for something! Try to make it reasonable though.

  • Mar 31 / 2016
  • 0
Uncategorized

Just be nice

Relationship experts have long said that the longer a couple is married, the more work that is required to keep their marriage strong. My wife and I had only been married a few years when we ended up in counseling for the first time, and discovered this for ourselves. Seems you can’t just set your marriage on autopilot and ignore it, without your marriage eventually suffering. After repeating this scenario several more times over the years in our marriage, my wife and I finally learned a simple yet powerful secret to building a lasting marriage.

Be nice to your spouse

That’s right, be nice to your spouse. I know it sounds like an overly simple message, and something that we would automatically do, but it’s not. After getting married, many of us seem to take on an attitude that our spouse is required to put up with our bad behavior and accept treatment from us they never would have tolerated while dating. We forget the simple truth that whatever it took to win our spouse, is exactly what it will take to keep them. As a result, many marriages suffer for many years through a marginal existence or end up in divorce.

Are you nice?

For most of us, we know the answer to this question, and can readily admit that our treatment of our spouse is not what we would call nice by any credible definition. Instead of getting our best, we regularly give our spouse what’s left over after we’ve given our best to family, friends, and coworkers. But if your hardheaded and can’t see it yet, ask yourself these questions.

  • Do you regularly treat others in your life better than you treat your spouse?
  • After a hard day, do you frequently take out your frustration over your bad day on your spouse?
  • Do you frequently deprive your spouse of emotional or physical intimacy when they’ve done nothing wrong?
  • If you were your spouse, would you say that you were being treated nicely?

If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, chances are there are times where you could be nicer to your spouse.

It’s at this point that I usually leave you with a bunch of ways to be a better spouse or to implement change in your marriage. I’m not going to do that this time. Instead, I will simply say that a good marriage doesn’t happen accidently, we must be intentional about our marriage and work to make it stronger each and every day. Working to become the spouse we would want to be married to ourselves. In short. Be nice to your spouse and treat them as you yourself desire to be treated. And if you do, you will discover that being nice is highly contagious and that your spouse will return your kindness, leading to a happier and more fulfilling marriage.

For more on this topic I suggest the following articles:

Pages:1234567...12