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Asking for what You Need

  • Apr 26 / 2016
  • 1

Asking for what You Need


It no secret that attaining good communication is a challenge for most married couples. Whether the issue is one or both spouses failing to convey their wants or needs, or simply the way we address our spouse. How effectively we use our words to express ourselves is important to the success of our marriage.

Why is communication such an issue?

Communication is an issue in most marriages because we simply don’t put the effort into communication with our spouse that we should. While there are many reasons for this, the two that I see the most are, we fail to show our spouse the respect they deserve when speaking to them, and that we simply do not ask our spouses for what we want or need in the relationship, and then hold it against them when we don’t get what we want.

Ask for what you need

While being respectful and not imposing on our spouse is important, and can make a huge difference in their attitude towards us. Many of us tend to go the other direction altogether, and fail to simply open up and let our spouses know our basic wants and needs.

And I’m not pointing fingers here either, as a text book “nice guy” and “people pleaser,” often I have either failed to let my wife know what I needed, hinted at what I needed, or tried to manipulate her to give me want it was that I needed. Obviously, this rarely works, and I usually end up pouting around, or even getting mad at her about something totally unrelated in an attempt to cover up what was really bothering me (can anyone relate yet). Often she would ask me “What’s wrong,” but my answer was usually “nothing,” or “it’s not important.”

Many of you are not only familiar with this exchange, you’ve probably been on one end or the other of this exact conversation more times than you can remember. In my own marriage, the failure of either me or my wife to simply make our wants or needs known has led to more grief and arguments than I care to remember.

It doesn’t have to be this way

That’s right, it doesn’t. Simply asking our spouse for what we need can eliminate this seemingly unending pattern of events, and give you the answer that you seek. And while the answer won’t always be yes, you will most likely hear “yes.” more than you will hear “no”.


GO ahead….Ask for something! Try to make it reasonable though.

One Comment

  1. Toni

    Oh how I love and relate to this!! Yet it’s so simple but we fail to just ask/state for what we need. This is one of the best things I’ve read in awhile especially the section under “It doesn’t have to be this way” “Simply asking for what we need can eliminate this seemingly unending patterns of events, and give you the answer you seek.” 🙂


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